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Re: srlng: Eating at people's houses...

srlng@xxxxxxxx wrote:


>         I guess the only thing that you can tell people, esp. family
> members is that you are NOT going to eat that particular food because it
> make you physically ill. If you were deathly allergic to almonds ( I have
> a friend who is ) I doubt that they would try to make you eat them! 

I am new to this list, but I had to jump in here. <G>  My sister is
allergic to black pepper and she has had people tell her, "It's just a
little bit." or tell her there was none on something when there was, or
just tell her there was none when they didn't know for sure!

My husband's grandmother had diabetes and politely refused a dessert
dish.  Others kept pressing her until she finally walked away.  One of
them actually said, "Oh a little won't hurt.  What else have you got to
look forward to?"

I couldn't resist jumping in to say that there are some people who just
don't understand.  Food is love, food is socializing, food is
everything--and they can't understand someone not wanting something. 
<G>  At my husband's aunt's house, they will ask you every 2 or 3
minutes if they can get you something until you finally agree!  Now I've
learned to always take *something* even if I end up not eating it. <G> 
I wouldn't take meat, but maybe a piece of bread or something to hold in
a napkin--or a drink of soda (ick)--something. <G>


>         It does help to bring stuff along that you can eat. People feel
> bad if they have you over  to eat and they find that, for whatever
> reason, you can't eat what they made.

I do this also.  I've found that friends are very understanding.  If I
am invited somewhere, I always tell them ahead of time that we are
vegetarians and that I will bring something for us to eat.  Sometimes
they *do* make something "especially" for me, but they misunderstand and
it's something I can't or won't eat.  That is hard to refuse when they
have gone to so much trouble over it.  Sometimes I have refused
something without realizing someone made it JUST for me! <G>  Other
times, I have politely taken a tiny bit and then give it to my husband.

OTOH, I have found that my husband's relatives get VERY offended if we
bring our "own" food when we visit.  At holiday meals it is actually
easier because everyone is expected to contribute.  On ordinary visits,
it is difficult.  It has taken me SIX years to get MIL to begin to just
let us bring our own food and not keep buying stuff *just* for us. 
Invariably it ends up being something we can't have, and then her
feelings are hurt.  Someone recently told me that it was rather selfish
to refuse to eat food under those circumstances, but I just couldn't do
it.  If it is someone I don't know well and will probably never see
again <G> I would take a bit and "pretend" to eat it, but with MIL, whom
we visit frequently, I *had* to establish that we would not eat certain
foods.  It took us so long because we moved out of state for four years
and saw her infrequently during that time.