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Food issues and SOs

Hello, everybody!

I have been reading with interest the various posts about inflexible
husbands and food related issues, and I finally felt compelled to share my
views on this touchy matter.  Sorry it got so long, but I had a lot to say!

First of all, congratulations (and best wishes!) to Dawnn and her boyfriend!

It is my hope that the two of you are generally compatible -- if so, you
will probably do fine in your marriage.  But let's face it:  food and
eating is a sensitive matter.  People DO get attached to their way of
eating, and more often than not, people are finicky and have no desire to
change.  That  was how it was in my first marriage (a million years ago.)
My ex-hubster insisted that I cook beef, chicken, fish, or whatever he
wanted, when he wanted it, with no regard to the fact that, at the time, I
was not only a vegan, but a predominantly raw foodist/fuitarian!!  He also
weighed 250 pounds and I weighed about 115 pounds!!  Anyway, it was really
hard on me to make artery-clogging, "heart attack on a plate" meals for a
perfectly cabable man who was a bachelor up to age 47.  For this and MANY
other reasons, we've been divorced for years!

My boyfriend, whom I am marrying next year (yeah!) is also a SAD eater, but
he is physically fit and embraces the low-fat/fat-free lifestyle (along
with plenty of exercise!) in our home.  In fact, he encourages me to make
meals that use little or no fat whenever possible, since he eats a lot of
fattening hors d'oevres and dinners in connection with his career.  This
morning, he ate a piece of the ff pineapple upside down cake that I got
from this list, and he loved it!   In fact, he's eating all kinds of
wonderful foods that he may never have tried had I not introduced him to
them, like artichokes, hummus, stuffed grape leaves, and eggplant (well, I
had to sneak the eggplant into a dish, but he said he liked it before I
told him what he was eating!)  My 6 year old daughter has always eaten "my
food" as opposed to being served something different to appease her when
she was 2, so she's very open to new tastes, too.

I'm lucky to be with someone who supports my eating habits even though he
doesn't necessarily follow them when we are not together.  And in the two
and a half years we have known each other, he has NEVER asked me to prepare
me*t of  any kind, and he has never complained about the meals I have
served.  In fact, he likes the food I make (but I really enjoy cooking, so
it's usually something interesting and fun to eat.)  All he asks is that I
don't feed him tomatoes or chocolate.  He doesn't care for either.

I agree that if you can't even discuss food, then the marriage may be
headed for trouble.  But maybe that is one of the only touchy issues Dawnn
and her boyfriend have (giving her the benefit of the doubt.)  I think she
should cook what she wants to cook without making a big announcement about
the fat grams in it, or just cook lower-fat for a while, and gradually
"wean" him into a healthier lifestyle.  She may have to keep cooking me*t
and potatoes for him, but if that's o.k. with her, well, it's her life and
her marriage, so leave her be!  I cooked separate dinners nearly every
night for nine years as many couples do -- it can be done.

Good luck and keep up the hard work!!

Steph in Madison, WI